On Tinder, nearly 1 billion swipes occur every day from Sydney to New York ... London to Tokyo. The dating game has changed, and I entered it shortly after a long-term break-up. After a year of the unique experiences, I Carrie Bradshawed it in a book called SWIPE – The Game has Changed.
My dating experiences have been nice – meeting lovely women who are smart, engaging, and filled with positive energy. It's been naughty – from orgies to Fifty Shades-type encounters, I dipped my toes into the deep end. In between there's been tragic dates, new friends, and a bit of heartbreak. From a weird, wild, and wonderful year on Tinder, here's what I've learned:
I learned the smartphone has changed the dating game. Books like The Game and The Rules are now dinosaur strategies. Smartphone apps like Tinder and OKCupid have changed the dating game, and human sexuality might change forever. Smartphones are 2015's obligatory appendage, implying the app dating bar is open 24/7, it's free, and everybody possessing one is invited to the party.
I learned the dating world moves like a New York minute. In 2015, we live in a NOW culture. We want food, movies, information, porn, tickets, scores ... NOW. We swipe, match, and want to know right now if you want to date me, have sex with me, or fall in love with me. And we want to meet ... right now.
You've got 10 days from swipe match to meeting in person, or it's not going to happen. Traditionally, a "pretty good" first date would have landed a second ... Now, we are back on our phones swiping away on the cab ride home looking for the next "great" date.
I learned the 'three date' rule is out. A week with a few dates turned into a few more dates that turned into a rock star-type experience of 18 orgasms ... in a week. It was hedonistic. It was weird. It was too much.
With a doctorate in human sexuality, Dr Nikki Goldstein opined, "We need to question if the qualities we are using to quickly judge those we swipe on are the right ones we should be using to find meaningful relationships or even casual sex (eg. profile pictures, a smile, a love of kale, or one sentence gone wrong). How much can you tell from a quick glance at a profile and a short drink before sex?
"The dating world is so fast-paced and crowded that sex is no longer something to wait for. We want to know straight away if there is sexual compatibility and some women might also feel if they don't act quickly on the sexual front they might lose to someone who will."
I learned The MISBAC Strategy. Ironically, I studied economic theories conceived by Nobel laureates, yet with that degree? In SWIPE, after analysing many of my chats, I created The MISBAC Strategy, analogous to solving app dating the way I solved PacMan as a kid. With this strategy, it's so much easier for men and women to meet up in person – whether you're seeking a friend, date, something naughty, or a relationship.
Sure, I thought I'd be teaching finance at this age, but instead I'm mentoring men and women on MISBAC so their dating and sex lives are more fulfilling.
I learned that Fifty Shades is, in reality, quite pale. There's a whole new world of sex out there, and it's a lot racier than porno-for-polo-mums at the cinema. Teens have turned into twentysomethings and grown up with porn as a means of sex education. Their dating lives and bedroom style would make Mr Grey tinkle in his suit. Ropes, toys, orgies, squirting, fisting, and "tromboning". I did it all ... starting with a swipe.
I learned it's easy come, easy go in The Age of Swipe. We had been dating for close to two months. A swish event at Sydney Opera House was our next date ... then the email came. I was dumped and swiped left. It's easy come, easy go, and we were both back online, swiping within days. We are all people with real, almost tangible feelings, yet we are all swipeable and oh so disposable.
I learned to worry for the Generation Millennial. They will swipe their virginity away, apologise with a rose emoticon, declare their first "I love you" via text, and walk straight past a cute woman on the street because they are too busy swiping five on their smartphone.
Dr Nikki warned, "Going online to find love, sex and dates has opened up more possibilities and people, however tech dating is making us lazier and our communication skills are dwindling - things we actually need in relationships when we do get into them."
The Age of Swipe is here to stay, and it's getting bigger.
The good? It's so easy to meet somebody new.
The bad? It shouldn't be this easy to meet somebody new.
Society's just at the beginning – the landscape for dating, sex, and relationships will change forever due to swiping.
I wrote SWIPE not because my dating ups and downs are interesting (they are), but more because you can't ask dad or grandpa the new, app dating rules. With SWIPE I hope to be that mentor, so people's personal lives are more fulfilling.
I learned there's a lot of lovely people out there swiping, and we shouldn't forget that on the other side of that smartphone is a man/woman who works, laughs, cries, and wants to meet somebody fun, cool, and new – we all need to respect that.
Tonight, I'll crack open a bottle of wine (only one glass required) and learn how authoring a book about your dating and sex life affects your dating and sex life.
This piece was extracted from SWIPE – The Game has Changed, released this week. It is available for purchase at swipedatelove.com and on Amazon.
