THERE are a lot of things eating away at Bernice Swales.
There is the obvious grief and guilt that continues to wrack her body some 10 years after her ‘’Little Man’’, 20-month-old Jordan Thompson, died in suspicious circumstances.
There is the heart-wrenching thoughts about a future lost for a child who never really got to live.
And there is the knowledge that there are people within the Hunter who know what happened to Jordan and have failed to come forward.
It was 2005 when Ms Swales returned home from a quick shop to find Jordan lifeless.
Tests later revealed he had died from a lethal dose of anti-depressant medication prescribed to her then boyfriend Cecil Kennedy.
Mr Kennedy has maintained his innocence.
‘’I can’t help but think what could have been. What his future held. His children, his grandchildren,’’ Ms Swales said in an open letter.
‘’To the people who know what happened, I just want you to place yourself in our shoes.
‘’Imagine a child you love, a little one you would do anything for and protect, dies the way Jordan has.
‘’Would you want the truth. Would you want justice.
‘’This is your chance. Please come forward and let Jordan rest.’’
Ms Swales, who has five surviving children, has also spoken of the gutwrenching times when she is asked about her missing child, and the shame that goes with telling the story.
And she has revealed the pain and guilt about not being there when Jordan needed her.
I called him my Little Man,’’ she said.
‘’I carried him. I bonded with him. I felt those kicks and that Little Man growing inside me.
‘’When I first saw this beautiful baby, I made him a promise.
‘’I think every mother tells their new baby they will protect them, look after them and never let anyone hurt them, thinking one day their children will grow up, go out into the big world and blossom.
‘’Jordan never got the chance to do that.
‘’I remember all the special moments with him; watching him grow, his own cute little way of talking, seeing him play with his best friend and sister.
‘’She could not understand or comprehend how her brother could be in heaven with the angels, why he had to go there and why he couldn’t come back.
‘’None of us ever got the chance to even say goodbye.’’
Ms Swales said their worlds were turned upside-down in an instant and there is not a day passes when she doesn’t find her mind shifting back to memories of her son.
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